Monday

Back to school. I am now considering having Russ continue with the book after I'm gone. The kids have 6 more weeks of class. I imagine that many teachers have felt this way about novels read in class–stuck. The no homework policy is killing me, which is odd because I've always been a really avid supporter of not having homework. I don't really want them to have homework, I just want them to read on their own. Tomorrow.

Last week was a tough one.

The book that I'm using for period 5 seems to be hit or miss with the students. About half of them are interested and involved. The other half is whatever about it. They don't contribute. I'm not sure if they care. I'd really love to have more activities in between readings to explore the themes in the novel, but I really just don't have the time. I feel really bad that I picked such a long novel now. I'm having a hard time figuring out where to paraphrase because everything in the book seems important to hear. I need to cut some of it out. I need to involve the students more and have them take responsibility for the learning. I don't have the time.

I knew, from talking to Russ, that novels are hard to do because of the attendance rate and the number of students who come to class tardy. I don't think that I would choose such a long novel again.

I'm having different problems with my period 1 class. I made an executive decision to include them in the production of the yearbook. Some of them are doing great. Others don't care. I have two new students and that is making it difficult too. The work they're doing is mostly individual. Each student or pair of students has a page to do. Russ has been the class more because Mrs. Austin is back, and that has really helped with this class. I'm not the authority figure that these students seem to need.

I have spent many hours thinking about my classes, the school, and how I would fit in it. I am always torn between supporting the student and supporting the education. This school is lax, but I have become too lax as well. These students need structure and I'm not providing it.

I'm not sure if I would have been able to go through this experience without Russ. I don't think I've ever met a better guy. He's there whenever I need to talk to him. I think about the first time I met him, and I never would have predicted how things turned out. He really does make me feel like I could be a good teacher.

Ugh, these kids do not like writing. We've been working on persuasive essays and it's not going so well. Today was a little better. We decided to give the essays two more days. I gave them a sneak peak of the novel we'll start on Wednesday, and it seemed to help motivate them.

I did have a student tell me that she can't stop thinking about the logos, ethos and pathos though. That it cool. She started noticing the different ways people have been trying to convince to do stuff. Funny.

While I was working this past weekend, I thought about how Franklin should have its own yearbook, considering that the EL yearbook is about $75. I brought it up during Monday morning meeting, and now we're making a yearbook. Should be interesting. I have a feeling that it will only get more complicated in the coming days though. Mr. Barlow says that he thinks it should become an annual thing for Franklin. He says it would be a great idea to incorporate it into future curriculum. As in, make it a mandatory part of English class. Kind of like a yearbook club. I have been thinking about clubs too. It's really too bad that there aren't any clubs. I know this might seem weird, but I'd really like to start a GSA or Alliance. There are enough gay kids there, I think it would help them. I loved my high school GSA.

How long does it take until you have a full year of lessons? Gosh.

So, I didn't go to school today. Russ let me stay home, which was nice of him. I have been chipping away at my TWS. In theory, a digital TWS sounds good, even a digital portfolio, but I think they they are boring either way they're presented.

Friday was an interesting day. Thursday was slow going in period 5. The students were not excited about what we were doing. I got a little frustrated. So, yesterday, I wasn't sure what to do in class. The kids in every other class I had were bored and unmotivated and even a little cranky. I decided to have a talk day. Every student sat at the table with me. I gave them each a postit, where they wrote down at least one thing they wanted to talk about. And we talked. Overall, it was really nice. I've had problems in class with students talking over other students and several students just don't say anything at all. I did it the day after the safety survey, to really drive home the point that I care about them and I'm interested in their lives. In general, they were very respectful of others. Every student talked. One student talked about a show him and his friend have in a few weeks. He got a lot of support and encouragement for that. Another student talked about how her landlord is being a real ass and her family is looking for a new apartment. It was really good, I think.

Being able to have a conversation (respectfully) with more than one person is a huge skill for these kids. I think. I want to be able to incorporate discussion more in class. Next time will probably be more focused though.

I am headed towards an open-ended book unit. I have a high-interest young adult book in audio version. I'm sure the students are going to love it, and I've read a lot of research that says reading for fun is an important part of school and leads to lifelong readers.

I am taking over Monday meeting next week. I am probably going to throw up. Haha. I get really nervous when I'm doing any sort of public speaking. I sound like a fool. So..............I need to figure something out this weekend for it. Bribery of some sort.

Megan (my girlfriend) is helping me finish my TWS this weekend. I'm excited for it, I just keep putting it off.

I keep trying to put Franklin into some frame as far as public education, but I can't. I'm still not sure if the school's purpose is to educate at risk students or to rehabilitate them to a mainstream community. Some of these kids are violent. They hurt themselves, they hurt others. Who cares about class? Who cares about persuasive essays?

My units are very unorganized still. I have a hard time thinking big picture when I'm planning lessons. Everyone keeps saying "you don't have to reinvent the wheel". That's funny. The units I find online would never fly in class.

I went home Friday feel very nervous about not being in school on Monday.
I was worried that my subplans weren't detailed enough, but as I was writing them, I realized that I can only say so much. I was interesting to think about how much responsibility should be placed on the sub. I immediately wanted to find an activity that would be individual and clear, so the students would essentially be able to figure it out by themselves. Mr. Barlow ended up teaching, and he was really impressed with my use of technology. He is a little bit of a nut.

I enjoyed the civil rights training on Monday and the standards-based teaching presentation. I discussed the training a little bit with my students and also had them take a safety survey. The results were not very surprising. Franklin is great because it's such a close knit group of teachers and students, but one of the ways it becomes close knit is by creating this imaginary villain, aka Edward Little or random ignorant adults or past teachers who just don't understand. It certainly seems to work, but I wonder what effect it has on students when it comes to empathizing with others or seeing both sides of a story. Anyway, the survey went over okay.

Russ is trying to get me into Franklin. It's nice to have so many mentors like Russ and you and Mr. E, but it also is a little overwhelming

I feel disorganized and sloppy.

It's hard to be structured at this school because everything changes so quickly, and I don't know all of the rules yet.

I am frustrated with lesson planning because I want to do class activities but so many students are absent or show up late. I just finished my unit. 32% of my students were absent on any given day and 45% were either absent or tardy. How do I teach the whole class, and figure out a way to catch up 1/3 of the class from the day before when they were absent, and catch up the 2 or 3 kids who come in 15, 20, or 30 minutes late every day, and all without giving homework? This school screams project-based education. Out of 13 students in my period 5 class, 2 completed the final project. Two students are passing my period 1 class right now. Traditional instruction, or UMF instruction, doesn't suit this school.

We're almost half way through. That is a little scary.

I only have 2 students passing my period 1 class.

This has been a stressful week.

You know, teachers work with a lot of paper, and when you work with a lot of paper, you get a lot of paper cuts. I have about 3 right now.

Today in class, the students were all working on their final projects. They were being quiet. They were all listening to music through their headphones. They were all on their laptops. It was strange. I didn't know what to do. None of them needed help or had questions. I felt really guilt for not doing anything.

Mr. Barlow thinks he knows what kind of teach I am, but he doesn't.
Sometimes, when I'm stressed out or just eh, I write short sentences that have not much to do with one another.

I think to be a teacher, you must have to be sort of a homebody. You get a job at a school and just stay there for 10 or 20 years. I would like that. I don't enjoy change.

I am in the process of getting my TWS organized. Well, started and organized. I know that I will need to fill in a lot of pieces.

If someone told me what to teach, I would be able to teach it better then making up my own units. But, I find units online and I don't like them.

I was initially really excited for technology class, but it is turning out to be pretty boring. We are making websites, but not as a class because that would be nearly impossible considering the attendance issues.

What I don't get about this school is why, if you know many of these students are here because they haven't been responsible enough to get to class in public schools, that you're going to give them even more freedom here and expect them to rise to the occasion. Sink or swim. Some of them care. But most of them don't. They'll get Ds and be happy.

Their projects should be done by next Tuesday. I have to keep going even if they aren't done. Students here don't get too much feedback on work because the quality of the work isn't too important. It's important that the work gets done though. If you are working all period, you will get an A. The teachers would all need to highly individualize their classwork for this school to really be meeting students academic needs. That kind of differentiation, the kind I should technically be doing, takes away from any kind of group work or all-class work that might be done. It would turn into individual quiet work for every student.

The Independent Study program here at the school is based off of packets. Packets of work for each subject. How do students learn from packets?

Some students do their work really fast just to get it done. I want to shake them and say "Seriously!? You have 45 minutes to do this. Just think about it. Think about the information I'm giving you. You don't need to copy it or define it. I just want you to think about it. Isn't it weird? Isn't it strange and neat and annoying? Don't you just think that's fascinating?"

I don't think that you can teach students to love learning.

This week was good. Casual and good. I still think that I need to step up the curriculum, but now I'm wondering if maybe I just need more real life connection. The story we just read in class went really, really well. The students loved it. They didn't like the ending much but they connected with the characters in meaningful ways. I think the anticipation guide helped. At first, I was worried that spending an entire class on discussion was too long, but I know that it helped lay the groundwork for connecting with the story's characters.

Russ wants me to open up a little more with the students. But...I don't know. He doesn't really see me teach.

Sometimes I wonder if Franklin is a highly illegal high school. I know it is. The things that happen at Franklin cannot technically happen at most high schools, like the grading and the special education etc. So, I'm constantly feeling torn between defending the school in my mind and hoping they learn to play by the rules before they get caught. Are there many other schools that operate like Franklin? Maybe this doesn't make sense.

I think that I am open with students and, in a traditional school, I would already be too open with them. Russ thinks its a strength that I am a lesbian. He thinks I have some untold power over students. He thinks a lot of things about me. He has all of this confidence, but he is wrong. It's hard to believe what he says because he doesn't see me teach. Things seem so black and white to him, and I think I have been placing him on a pretty high pedestal.

I started by stress unit in health. I had a couple worksheets and conversations and activities planned. Russ had me tell 25 minutes worth of stories and then have the kids do book work for the rest of class. He firmly believes that stories from adults helps students. He talks for the first 30 minutes of each of his classes and then has students do book work or packet work or project work. His classes are amazingly boring. To me. I know for a fact that many students respect him as a teacher and enjoy the monotony of his classroom. They crave his predictability and photocopy skills.

I didn't think I would be, and I didn't want to be, but I am turning out to be that teacher who asks a lot of questions during class. I don't give many statements about the information, I just ask students a lot of questions. I make them figure out the answer that way. Just thinking about it makes me annoyed with myself. Some students respond well to this, but others find it a little condescending. I actually had a problem with Tyler the week before the accident.

So, it tough teaching the stress unit when Russ is in here and then teaching it again when he's not.

I've learned quickly that there are a limited number of students who are awake and motivated during class. I need these kids. They float class. I have most of them missing this week because of a few field trips. This is going to be an interesting week.

I am interested in going to see other alternative schools. I am going to try to visit some when all of these units are done. I'm not sure how that will go. Either Barlow will come up with his own stuff to teach, or I will make a lot of sub plans. I need to talk to him about it.

Some kids just talk and talk and talk and talk and talk. One of my favorite students is a cutter. Mr. Barlow says that cutters just want attention.

This is not a hate on Mr. Barlow day. I really like him, but I also am starting to realize that he is not invincible.

Today, my moodiest student was happy. He was laughing and talking and participating, and I don't know why. Last week was tough for students, grading wise, because we were reading a lot so points were based on students who read aloud and students who contributed to the conversation. In a traditional school, it wouldn't have mattered whether you talked in class. Here is does sometimes.

This week was a lot better than last week. It was more casual and more fun.

I think I need to step up the curriculum though. It's tough because half the kids will pretty much know it and half of them will have no idea. It's also tough because about a third of my students are failing. Ha. Franklin is such an odd school.

I don't know if I would be comfortable working in a public school. I feel like I'm really starting to undestand where that "line" is between student and teacher. Russ says that all of the teachers think that they're amateur counselors. I guess any teacher thinks that though. Sometimes I drive home to Farmington wishing I had kept a comment to myself instead of telling a student. I don't know.



Vacation was not as productive as I had hoped. Of course, vacations never are.

I start my new units this week, and I'm pretty excited. Technology is going to be fun I think. Health is going to be stressful. Haha. Stressful. I'm doing a unit on stress. I actually did a presentation on how stress affects teenagers in my Middle Grades Education class with Grace Ward. I looked over my Brain Based Learning book this past week and I feel okay with the information. It's interesting to research how stress affects people in different ways and then actually feel how stress can affect you in so many ways. I don't understand why I'm this stressed because I generally do very well under pressure. I think that I'm freaked out about being responsible for the education of x numbers of little people. I am their teacher. I am responsible for given them (at least a portion) of the information they need to survive in life. It makes what I teach them feel so small, especially when you think about where they come from–literally. Why would they care about static or dynamic characters.

Hmm

I went to a funeral today. It was interesting. There were about 35 kids, I think. They were very respectful, and even I had a hard time sitting through all that. I don't know how tomorrow will be. I expect a few students to still be in a haze of sorts.

I am still having a hard time planning all of my lessons the night before. There is too much to think about. Lecture, transitions, individual work, group work, hands on activities, project based lessons, worksheets.

The school is a little bit like therapy this week. Sometimes it’s nice, and sometimes it’s a little too much. Russ gives a good dose of reality though.
I talked to him about my lesson planning. He thinks that I am thinking too much, and I think I am thinking too much too, but I also think that I should be thinking more. Those teachers could go to school for a whole year and pull lessons out of their butts. That is some serious skill. I can't lecture the way they can. They have stories and I don't.

There is so much I wish I had done at the beginning of my lesson or middle. So much I feel like I keep forgetting. I am still trying to figure out some kind of short story packetness for period 1. They want individual/project-based work. That is tough because it's so boring to me, but I guess that they would rather do boring stuff.

I feel nauseous in the morning because I'm nervous to go to school. Russ would definitely make fun of me if he knew that. If I just chill out, I should be fine.

I am starting a unit in technology soon. Probably right after vacation. Russ is getting me the info for a unit on Stress too. The students will be making a brochure.

I am starting to think that I would have an easier time teaching if I were going for something more relative to real life.

Crunch Time

Dear Blog,

Today I had a student tell me that I was the only reason he got up this morning to go to school. I like that kid.

There seems to be a huge difference in the way my first period and fifth period classes act. My fifth period class is generally attentive and involved in what's going on. My first period class is asleep and grumpy and unimpressed all-around. They think that everything I do with them is "stupid". There are a lot of boys in that class, and I think that they feed off of each other. It stinks because I can't do many interactive things with them because I don't think they would participate.

I'm done observing all of the other teachers now. I spent two periods downstairs with the middle school English teacher. I went down to see her Friday and check if I could still observe her. I told her about what I've been up to upstairs, and she found me some great resources for my short story unit. She also let me bounce my ideas off her over the weekend via email. I was able to narrow down my unit to 6 stories and also make a list of standards to cover.

I don't think I've really look closely at the reading MLRs or tried to use them in a unit before. There are a lot of things missing. There is nothing about characterization in them. Nothing about plot. I don't know. I plan on incorporating those two elements, but I'm going to have to squeeze them in to the comprehension standards (which is fuzzy as it is).

I gave my student a pre-assessment quiz, which I deemed the short short story quiz, and they did okay on it. They knew some things, they didn't know others. I think my unit is actually going to cover a few 8th grade standards as well. I'm hoping that won't be a problem.

I'm starting to understand why teachers are so frustrated with standards. The 8th grade standards make more sense than the high school ones. It's weird that every grade in middle school has it's own set of standards but then high school is clumped together into one. I guess it doesn't really matter for me because my students are all clumped together into one too, as far as ability that is.

When I was observing Melissa's 7/8th grade class, I'm pretty sure they were more with it than my high schoolers. Sad.


I haven't talked about how cool it is to say "my students". It's nice. I'm starting to really like these kids.


I have tried probably about 10 times to map out my unit and it's not working. My mind is broken. I feel great in the morning on my way to school. On my way home I feel completely helpless and like I'm not teaching these kids anything. Mr. E says that most teachers want to quit at some point during their first year. I would be fine if I could just get ahead in my planning, but I'm still stuck making everything up the night before. I don't make it up, I actually plan it and think about it (I think about it for hours and hours and hours and hours), but I end up doing it the night before. I can't imagine having more than just this one class.

Speaking of other classes, I have started thinking/planning what I'm going to do in technology class. I'm having the students make webpages! Woot. This is probably going to be a big step up from what they usually do in there. Right now, they're finishing up their two-week project on A Trip Around The World. Criteria:

You must visit 14 countries.
You must visit 3 continents.
Your trip must be 30 days long.

The teacher gave them a stapled packet of templates. They needed to find out a bunch stats on the countries, write down which cities/attractions they would visit, and print out some touristy pictures. The only technology they are using is the laptop, to look up information on the internet.

My mentor teacher is a great guy, but he's not so creative. From what I've gathered, he runs his with the lecture-worksheet system. He talks, then they do worksheets. He's not too bad to listen to and the worksheets are certainly informative, but it's very dry, especially if you don't like health and weightlifting. I'm not exactly sure what he did in between photocopies in his English class. I think they did a lot of reading and answering questions.


I think the other teachers do cool stuff in English, but it was great to see Melissa because she went to school for English, so she's up to date on reading strategies and short stories and different writing techniques. I think the other teachers just wing their English classes, and I think she doesn't.

I am most scared right now that I will mess up my unit, but I also think that messing up your first unit is part of being a student teacher.

I haven't finished my CFA. Although, I've been thinking about it. :)

Whap whap wowowowow.

Dear Journal,

There is definitely not enough time in the day. I can only imagine what it would be like if these kids had homework. I would be up all night.

Things to consider after teaching this week:

• have directions written on the board (verbal directions suck)
• change up activities about every 15 minutes
• make sure everyone can have something to do and can do it without explicit instructions
• downtime=facebook time
• have computer time at the end of class so students won't be tempted to surf the web if we're having a discussion
• don't trust any of the printers in this building
• run through the lesson at home for any technical bugs
• have extensions that can run at least 30 minutes over class time
• bite the bullet
• pre-assessment is overrated
• organization is imperative but also impossible
• these little adults are not adults at all
• it's not my job to cure them of their bad habits
• Mr. Barlow gives bad directions
• none of these teachers are alike
• computers and food are the ways to these students hearts
• if they're not getting in the information one way, try another (obvs.)
• talk to them as soon as it happens (whatever it is)
• don't be afraid to let them get to know you a little
• it's okay to change the grade

Is this a school? Yeah. Is it counseling? Yeah.

Mr. Barlow and Mr. Lajoie think that I'm going to be a natural teacher. That I have some kind of instinct for how to do things the right way. I think that they're full of crap. I'm scared out of my mind to be teaching these kids. They don't seem to know it yet.

More later.

Okay, it's later. This is my first official week in the school. So far, so good. I did a pre-assessment with the kids today and it didn't go as bad as I thought it would. Of course, I haven't done it with my period one kids yet.

I am getting a new student soon. A new old student. Russ says that I'm going to have some serious trouble with him. I'm a little nervous, but Mr. Lajoie is there, so it should be okay.

I have been trying to organize a unit and it's not going so well. I have a lot of tiny little lessons, but not so many cohesive unit-type lessons. I have been trying to plan everything around the short story "Harrison Bergeron". So, now I'm thinking...I don't know. I can't make all of the pieces fit together for a 7 lesson unit. It's a process.

I forgot to wash out the conditioner from my hair the other day. I've never done that before. I feel like I'm walking around in a fog.

Oh, one of my students asked if I was a lesbian. That was pretty awesome. I'm surprised it took 3 days to happen though.

I'm almost done observing the other teachers. I like watching how they do things, but I haven't gotten too many good ideas from it. I honestly don't like the way a few of them do things.

At first I was afraid; I was petrified.

Dear Jennifer,

Today was your second day (ha) of student teaching, and you have certainly survived so far.

Things that are giving me anxiety:

• I start teaching on Wednesday and I don't have any lessons yet.
• Russ says that I can teach anything I want, when all I really want is for him to tell me what to teach.
• There is only one SmartBoard.
  
• Being alone with 15 high school students and having no idea what I'm doing.
• Fully understanding the grading system.

I like watching how the Franklin teachers interact with each other. Their personalities are all REALLY different. There's a certain amount of tension when they're discussing things together.

I'm going to be teaching with Kathy in technology class. I like Kathy, but sometimes it seems like she's blowing me off. Or blowing everyone off. If she's talking to 2 or 3 people. she'll only make eye contact with one person. If I asked a question, she would say the answer to the one person she's talking to. It's odd. One-on-one though, shes very nice, and she doesn't seem to have a problem making eye contact.

Everyone there has a good sense of humor but jokes tend to be hit or miss depending on the situation and time. Sometime you'll get a really good laugh out of them and other times you get the cold shoulder.

I met the downstairs middle grades teachers today. They laugh a lot. They seem different, as a whole, than the high school teachers. Mr. Barlow says that the middle school students are outrageous. He said I could definitely go and observe Melissa's classroom. I met Melissa this morning, she is the only teacher in the building that is certified to teach English. In one respect, it's nice that there can be so many English classes to meet the requirements of the students, but on the other hand, I wonder about the effectiveness of lessons made/taught by non-English teachers.

Russ (Mr. Russel), has some weirdly large amount of confidence in my ability to teach and manage these students. Either there is something inside of me that I'm not aware of or all of these people are going to be hugely disappointed.

One more day of conferences and then your first day of teaching! Woot! Ha...this could be so bad.